Compartmentalising love - Can it be done?

It is a pretty awesome word is it not? Compartmentalising.

I used that word in a meeting telling my contractor that I need to have the WP Filebase compartmentalised to truly optimise the website for the client. He looked at me super confused and said what the hell did you just say. Yep... I chose my words carefully just to screw with him and I let him know that.

"To compartmentalise is to separate into isolated compartments or categories."

I have always thought that I was polyamorous i.e. the ability to have more than one sexual, loving relationship at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of all the parties involved. This is basically how it pans out. 

There is this one guy that I have been in love with for oh, roughly 10 years and with his permission I have always engaged in relationships letting the other guy know that hey, you cannot have all of me because part of me belongs to someone else. I would be completely emotional but non sexual with my love and in a relationship I would skip the typical female emotions and be sexual. When I am with each person I would put aside what I feel for the other and just love that one person. I was safe and secure in my ability to compartmentalise what I felt for each person and knew that there was never any threat to my love.

It was not until my last foray into polyamory that I realised how very wrong I was about compartmentalising my feelings. I found myself in a situation where I fancied a guy and spoke to my love and he said, go for it. I was determined to not feel any affection for this new guy but fate would not have it so. I fell in love. I convinced myself that I am still in love with my love and nothing could shake that. However, my foundation started to show cracks when my 'ability' to compartmentalise failed me. I would be with my love and be thinking about this other guy. I would withhold things from him and not be into the intellectually stimulating conversations we would usually have, which was one of the pillars of what we were. The sex talk, would still be interesting but it did not do what it used to do for me. 

After going on for months like this I confessed my love to the new guy. He asked me what is love? and whether I knew the difference between being in love and loving someone? I wracked my brain and found the answer but decided to speak from the heart. When I searched my heart I realised that I had been fooling myself.

Being in love is doing anything you can for the person you love without expecting anything in return, seeking that person's best interest and putting yourself on the line. Being in love is when everything and everyone else pales in comparison to that person and they make this cruel life so much easier - your reason for waking up in the morning.

In order to love someone you have to be in love with them first. When you love someone, they will always have a special place in your heart.

Compartmentalising love is merely fooling yourself. When love comes around, what you once felt for someone else will just fade away. 

I, a former polyamorous individual am here to say that love cannot be compartmentalised. You cannot be in love with more than one person at the same time. You either love, or you are in love.