Exposed to pornography - who is to blame?

In 1995/96 my family got our first computer. It was pricey but my older sister was taking several computer related courses and my father thought it would be worth the cost. With my sister's help I was able to navigate this interesting machine. She helped me get my first email address with Altavista and showed me different websites I could play games. My parents did not know a lot about using computers but since my sister was taking these courses she was charged with monitoring my use of it.

When I was 10, whilst in one of Excite's chat rooms, I was sent a website in IM by someone I was chatting to in the main room. When I clicked on it I was disgusted and fascinated by the nude images on the screen. From that introduction I became addicted to pornographic material.

The Daily Mail and other groups are lobbying for an 'opt-in' policy for adult content on the internet. The opt-in policy would allow people to call in to their internet service provider (ISP), verify their age and opt to view adult content. Google says that parents are to blame for children viewing adult content on the internet and that laws will not solve the problem given the rate of technological advancement. Many excuses have been made for the presence of porn and fingers pointed as to where the blame should lay.

Where does the fault lie?

In monitoring my use of the internet my sister used IE and Netscape's filter options to make sure I did not see things that were not appropriate for me. Clever girl that I am, I found ways around it - I made sure to clear the history and delete cookies so that there was no trace of my browsing. I started to cyber in chat rooms, pretending that I was older than I actually was - a teenager at the time. Microsoft Internet Relay Chat (mIRC) was a place I could do that. My sister had introduced me to it. First I was fascinated with the various scripts and ASCII stuff I could do, but then I saw it as an outlet to do things that left me feeling dirty and disgusted.

If we want to blame someone let us start with the people who act, direct and produce these films. It is a  perverse thing to do; having yourself filmed in the act of sex. Next, we should blame the people who distribute this material. Whilst on mIRC I came across a man who designed and maintained porn websites. From my association with him and my interest in pornographic material he gave me access to websites he had designed. He also informed me of the porn conventions he went to in Las Vegas and they were quite interesting.

Who should we blame next? The ISPs for allowing the content to run? Should we blame our peers? In the early 2000s, we had unlimited dial-up internet and with that sort of power, my sister downloaded porn movies from P2P filesharing programmes. She would put them on CDs and unknown to her, I watched them and I loaned them to my friends at school. I was that person people went to when they wanted porn. So I guess I can be blamed for exposing my friends to porn.

But where does the blame lie? I believe that the fault lies in part with the parents. In this digital age ignorance can no longer be an excuse. My brother-in-law uses parental control to filter content on all the devices in his home network. The system is not perfect and innocently you can stumble across adult content. 

I do not blame my parents that I stumbled across pornographic material but I blame my sister who opened herself up to this content and did not ensure that my childish wonder would be firewalled. I blame the person who sent me the website but most of all I blame myself. The internet is a very dangerous place. If you are not of age i.e. 13 years or older, you should not be using the internet unsupervised. If I had not lied about my age, perhaps I would not have been sent that website. But on the flip side children are encouraged to lie. 'Do not tell people your age, your name or where you are from.' Not a lie? According to Shakespeare a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

The impact

I am soon to be 25 years of age and I have not fully conquered my demons. Sometimes I feel drawn into watching porn but I just think of the disgust I feel and I say a little prayer for help. Sometimes even that fails and I hate myself. I mourn for my 10-year-old self. I mourn for the loss of my innocence and the warring feelings of disgust and fascination that I felt and still feel. It has strengthened my resolve to ensure that no one I know is exposed at too young an age to pornography (let us face it, at some point it happens). If I had my way, no one would be exposed to it.

There is only so much we can do to eradicate this scourge known as pornography. Some people fight valiantly and try to place blame everywhere except on themselves. Fighting pornography is like trying to fight racism, poverty, terrorism and many other social ills. The family is the cornerstone of society and that is where we need to try to solve the problem.